Sometimes, I still feel off and overly conscious when I write about my struggles as a multiple chronic illness sufferer. When my fingers click the post button, I have the urge to delete what I just published and deactivate my SNS accounts. My anxiety and shame riddle my mind with thoughts like, “What if no one really reads? What if they think you are just begging for sympathy and fame? What if this is all for nothing? Why are you doing this?”
Then I remember. I lost my voice once. I have recovered it and I am not going to let it slip away again.
For the record, I’m writing this for me – to ground myself to reality and to claim my experiences. It is hard to see everything as it is when I feel a lot of pain, nostalgia, and longing. I no longer want my present to be overshadowed by the ghosts of the past and the regrets of what-might-have-beens.
I’m doing this for my loved ones. This is my way of connecting and never losing touch with them.
I’m speaking out for those who are like me; I want us to be included in this disabling society.
Happiness. I’m doing this primarily for happiness.